Thursday, November 17, 2005

A very funny man walked into a casino.....

Stardust05George Carlin is playing at the Stardust, the hotel I'm staying at while I'm here in Las Vegas.   I’ll be heading home Friday.

Here are a few of his funny one-liners.

  • When someone asks you, A penny for your thoughts, and you put your two cents in, what happens to the other penny?
  • Is a vegetarian permitted to eat animal crackers?
  • I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?
  • Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. When you have to wait a year to sleep next to a tree, something is wrong.
  • Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
  • I think it would be interesting if old people got anti-Alzheimer's disease where they slowly began to recover other people's lost memories.
  • Electricity is really just organized lightning.
  • Why is the man (or woman) who invests all your money called a broker?
  • Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.
  • The very existence of flame-throwers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done.
  • There's no present. There's only the immediate future and the recent past.

George Carlin’s official website

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