A Prius meets a Hummer at the gas pumps

 

Prius driver	Cha-Ching	Hummer driver
	1 gallon
That’s really quite a beast you’ve got there.		Yeah, what of it? I like my vehicles big.
	2 gallons
But isn’t it the height of arrogance to drive such a gas guzzler? Especially, these days.		Hey, it’s a free country, buddy. At least my vehicle’s made in America.
	3 gallons
Yeah, I suppose it is, everything but the gasoline that goes in it.		Well, if you liberals would open up Alaska to drilling there would be plenty of  domestic oil.
	4 gallons
Interesting, isn’t it, that when it comes to conservation of natural resources it’s the liberals who are conservative?		I’m not short-changing my lifestyle for some made up gas crisis.
	5 gallons
I haven’t seen your rear bumper but I’m guessing there’s a W sticker back there.		What makes you so sure?
	6 gallons
I’m guessing that not many Hummer drivers voted for Kerry.		Not if they had any sense. And what about you? What’s on your bumper? ‘Visualize Whirled Peas’?
	7 gallons
That’s funny. Nah, just one sticker: 'Think. It’s patriotic.'		Are you saying that because I drive a Hummer I don’t think? I think plenty.
	8 gallons
I’ll bet. Especially while you’re hanging around here at the gas station filling your tank every few days.		Look, I’m not an asshole, okay?
	9 gallons
I never said you were.		But you think it.
	10 gallons
There’s this game I like to play at parties. As I mingle and get to know people, I try to guess which ones would be Hummer drivers.		So the less you like people the more likely that they would drive a Hummer?
	11 gallons
Pretty much.		You know, I could play the same game only in reverse.
	12 gallons
Hey, I’d love to chat some more, but I’m finished here. 12 gallons. That’ll keep me going for a few weeks. Listen, take care. Good luck living with yourself.		Happy trails, granola boy. Try to stay out of the tread in my tires with that windup toy of yours.
	13 gallons
		What a prick.
	14 gallons
		I’m not the asshole; he’s the asshole.
	15 gallons
		I don’t know what this country’s coming to.
	16 gallons
		Damn, do I look hot standing against this Hummer, or what?
	17 gallons
		I wonder if we should have a family picture taken in front of the Hummer for our Christmas card this year.
	18 gallons
		Darla’s gonna love those breast implants I’m getting her for Christmas.
	19 gallons
		Look at these gas prices! I sure hope the President can do something about this. Maybe we do need to invade another Arab country.
	20 gallons
		Bush is a fine president, you know? Maybe even as good as Reagan. I think they ought to put both of their faces up on Mt. Rushmore.
	21 gallons
		I miss full serve gas stations. I could be sitting inside listening to Bill O'Reilly on the radio right now.
	22 gallons
		I wonder what kind of bonus I’ll get this year.
	23 gallons
		What we need in this country is another tax cut. That would set things right.
	24 gallons
		Stupid hybrids. How would I tow my speed boat in one of those goddamned tin cups?
	25 gallons
		Me an asshole. Imagine. How dare that guy judge me. People look up to me. That reminds me I need to clip my nose hairs.
	26 gallons
		Maybe I should take this baby off-road some time. Man, that would be a blast. Nah, all that mud. I just got her detailed.
	27 gallons
		What would Jesus drive? I’ll bet he’d drive a Hummer.
	28 gallons
		Born in the USA, I was born in the USA – I really love that song...
	29 gallons
		...too bad Springsteen is a communist traitor now.
	30 gallons
		Thirty gallons? That’s all? I’m going to be late for work again.
	31 gallons
		Look at all these foreigners around here. Good thing I renewed my NRA membership.
	32 gallons
		Nice weather, I should leave early and play golf at the club.
	33 gallons
		Hey, nobody’s called me on my cell phone in like ten minutes. What’s up with that?
	34 gallons
		I wonder how the market is doing.
	35 gallons
		Lordy, look at that babe. She’s checking me out. Chicks dig my Hummer. And guys are jealous. That’s the flat-out truth.
	36 gallons
		I can’t get that Prius guy out of my head. Why am I letting him bother me?
	37 gallons
		He’s nobody. Probably one of them crazy scientists who believe in climate change. He should listen to Rush Limbaugh. Then he’d know the truth.
	38 gallons
		Okay, I’ve got to let go. Remember, liberal Democrats are people, too. Just misguided.
	39 gallons
		See, I am not an asshole. I’m a compassionate conservative blessed with uncommon good sense and lots of money.
	40 gallons
		Full. Finally. Now I can be on my way. It’s gonna be a great day. Sure is good to be me.

 

via Blogywood