Actual newspaper headlines

•  Grandmother of eight makes hole in one (Which one?)
•  William Kelly was fed secretary (Hope he was hungry)
•  Safety experts say school bus passengers should be belted  (I’d like to slug a few kids)
•  Farmer bill dies in house (Better than out in the field)
•  Iraqi head seeks arms  (Helps make a body whole)
•  Queen Mary having bottom scraped  (I’m not gonna touch that one)
•  Is there a ring of debris around Uranus?
•  Panda mating fails - veterinarian takes over   (He’s a pervert)
•  Child's stool great for use in garden
•  Miners refuse to work after death  (Lazy bums)
•  Drunk drivers paid $1,000 in 1984  (I believe I’ll have another beer)
•  If strike isn't settled quickly it may last a while  (DUH!)
•  Blind woman gets new kidney from dad she hasn't seen in years  (Really?)
•  Something went wrong in jet crash, experts say  (well, they’re the experts, they oughta know)
•  Man is fatally slain   (Is there another way to be slain?)
•  Death causes loneliness, feeling of isolation  (When you stop talking to people, they stop talking to you)

More Actual Newspaper Headlines

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